Dont understand anything anymore

At the point where I am in my life I find so many people that I looked up to or loved let me down ... Everything I was taught from family is not completely true . I just don't know what to believe anymore from anyone or o do t even want to try sometimes .. To me everybody was fake is fake .. I really don't know what to think anymore .... With my eyes closed with trust all I have in the moment is my babies and God ... That's the truth at the end of the day your shadows leaves you right so that also means family, friends and the ones you loved .. God I can't thank you enough for giving me strength for everything I have endured this last couple of years n will continue to ... I love u dearly for it ..... From the bottom of my heart you really know I am grateful.. :-) :-) :-) Even thru the tears I have to smile .....

                          Love me :-) :-) :-) :-)

New year still need work

Since I haven't currently have written I wanted to write about the new year -- I will not write about new year new me because I am still in the process of bettering myself .. Every year people say that but in reality you really don't change from one day to the next it takes time and work .. I have been working on myself for some time and still am not where I want to be in life . I surely have come along way and for the first time someone notices it and said I have done good . Its funny every thing I have gone thru is what has made me well me .. It takes nothing but strength to continue to work hard ... Right now i am in between two path wondering which one to take and if I am ready to take any .... Well just got to keep going right

Coming along way

I feel I have come along way in my life and even my attitude, but some people come to your life to test everything you have ever worked hard for. I guess your reactions to that is where you stand with yourself . Sometimes in many occasion I ask my self why the certain things happen the way they do.  I have come to the conclusion God has had A plan with me from the moment I was born.  No one will ever understand me and it's because I don't think the same as everyone.  Everyone is to worried on who is right and superior over others that we don't take the time to figure things out . Why people think the way the do what type of feelings they have.  Few people out there like that. Like example I like darker men then me and fell in Love with one a few years younger then me.  Why would I judge others in their relationship when I don't know the struggle they have been in on fighting for their Love.  Who am I to judge a girl liking a for or a boy liking a boy It's not my taste but theirs.  Why is their always in issue.  Why can we just be happy with one . Unless they are harming someone killing or hurting themselves in a physical way.  
Lord she'd light on me forgive my sins.  No matter big or small sins are sins.  Shed light o  those that bash so they can lay their head and sleep at night.  PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH JUST LIKE YOU HAVE HELPED ME GET THROUGH EVERYTHING. 
                              LOVE ME

Ignore

It's crazy how things turn out in life.  The people you always seek to talk or care the most for one reason or another ignore you.  Then you have someone seeking for you and likes who you are seeking your attention you ignore for the one that ignores you...  It's sad that happens..  To be honest and All I want is to be wanted and held without asking or comprised ....... I give and am the way I am because I am and don't seek for things anymore but can't help for wanting that when At times I just want to give up.  I never give up on people for people to give up on me...  Just got to smile, have faith and hope and pray.  

When the feeling of love comes in

I have been through so much but if it wasn't for faith I would have been given up along time ago. That night in your arms felt so right I didn't want the night to end..  I wanted to cry all night with mix emotion..  I didn't because you toughen me up..  But when you finally said those main words that I so longed to hear it felt like my heart stop and butterflies everywhere...  but in realty I can't do anything to continue that night like that.  All old feelings came back wanted to call you babe rather then your name.  When can I have this feeling again with you..  That is what I want that is what I long for..  Was it all a dream was it to good to be true......  Only time will tell and keeping my faith..  Never messing that up either.....  ♥♥♥♥

Here and there

Have you ever felt neither here or there about every situation in your life. That you want a certain person but there is a certain you want them treat  you?  But yet they don't see it..  Tired of feeling like that with allot of people.  Thank God to continue to giving me strength through all. Got to keep my head high always... 

My thoughts for today

 Hey well I am here in my living room and waiting for the the drier to finish. I might go to my bf house for the weekend. Today I got a phone call from my grandmother and we talked she started to cry about the fact that she feels everyone on this side of the family including my father which is her son has chosen Andres over the family. She thinks that everyone is being mean for w.e the reason . It is kinda sad that my family is not closer together but one person didn't do that the issues are beyond that person. Its always lies and hiding stuff. For a strong family is that even if you don't like it you keep your mouth shut and be there for the person. Also being honest because if you don't love the person from the bottom of the heart like family suppose to there will be no trust and no communication.  Its funny because I have these beliefs because that is what I was taught growing up and when I was growing up my family was a bit more closer. Not even my parents talk to each other like they use to . This year I didn't spend new years or thanksgiving with my dad cause he feels like my aunt is being fake and its not the same as it use to be . As much as I agree  with him what does that help but at the same time he use to spend those days with his parents and brother and for about 11 years he hasn't and rather anyone like them or how much they talk that is his family to. I don't understand what goes through peoples mind sometimes. The world is a horrible place and if you don't have family good or bad what can you say about that. Example I have not choosen my bf family over mine but they are part of my family now. I had a baby with bf and as much as I am not married he is still my babies father, grandmother, and aunts. So rather my bf and I are together or not they are still family they will always be a part of me . My mom makes it seem that I chose them over her its not even the case. My family now is them and my family in having my son.  See when I was little my aunt use to come over and uncle with my cousins I dont even remember when was the last time that happen. They hardly even come to visit the baby but unlike what anybody say when its been awhile i go visit even if i go walking so they can see the baby because family is family rather they don't see it like that anymore. I even ask my mom sometimes o why don't pass by her cousins house or something like that and they always have something to say . When I was little it wasn't allot but I use to go visit. My son is going on 9 month this month and he still havent met his whole family and they live in the same state. How sad is that. So have you ever thought what family means to you . Have you looked around on how things change? Have you ever stopped and ever have a decent conversation with a relative that maybe you havent spoken to . I try but I cant put the effort on my own it takes two.
                                                                                well love you buh bye